Spend 10 minutes taking deep breaths and you’ll notice that your nerves calm quite a bit. If you’ve ever listened to any guided meditation tape, you’ll notice that they almost always start with some sort of breathing exercise. Breathing is actually a great place to start because deep breaths calm our nerves and quiet the mind. As a result we get in too much of a hurry and end up making poor decisions. In fact when we panic our breathing becomes shallower and we start to take actions out of fear. It’s almost a built in instinct, but it doesn’t serve us well at all. Our natural temptation when something goes wrong is to panic. There are a few simple things you can do that will help you keep your composure when you get dealt a bad hand. Problems are part of the human experience, but, handled the right way our biggest problems often end up being the biggest blessing in disguise. Poker players sometimes emerge victorious even when they have terrible cards because of their ability to maintain their composure. But as any real winner knows, your experience of life will come down to how you play the hand you’re dealt. This principle works very well with employees, bosses, customers and co-workers.It’s inevitable that when you play the game of life you’ll occasionally be dealt a bad hand. The validation principle is simply recognizing and then acknowledging the other person’s emotional state, whether or not you agree with it. But this is the single best thing anyone can do to manage difficult people. It takes a lot of strength and discipline to remain calm and composed and not react emotionally – instead to pause and acknowledge how the other person is feeling. It’s easy to react with an emotion – angry, impatient, annoyed, defiant, victimized, sulky – when you’re in the presence of a difficult person. On the contrary – they created a position of strength from which I could act. Actually, though, those five seconds are the exact opposite of defeat. You might think that empathizing with the other person, when you’re the one getting beaten up, would put you in a position of weakness. You might think that saying something like “I can understand why you’re frustrated by this," was conceding defeat. Validating the other person’s emotional state will change the tone – for the better – of the exchange. I can help.” You don’t have to make that part up because you will simply be repeating the other person’s feeling (frustrated, panicked, concerned, worried, or rushed) and you know you can help. In total, it takes about five seconds.įor instance, by saying, “I can understand why you’re frustrated by this. When faced with a difficult situation, pause before jumping in with an answer and simply acknowledge or validate out loud how the other person was feeling. This may take you out of your comfort zone and with discipline and practice it will soon be a part of your regular behaviors. “No one can enter your castle unless you let them.” When the person you are dealing with becomes difficult, do you become defensive and difficult too? When someone calls in a panic, do you go into panic mode too? ![]() If you let yourself act difficult in a difficult situation, then you create a difficult hour – day – maybe even a difficult week for yourself. Those that are the most successful have identified their triggers and a few tools to manage these situations. Maintaining composure doesn’t mean you become emotionless. Have you ever noticed that this seems easier for some people than for others? A characteristic of a winning athlete is one who can maintain their composure in a stressful situation.
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